


The Tide You Swim Against Will Carry You Home

by ShippersList



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Courting Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Fix-It, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7570357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippersList/pseuds/ShippersList
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Eggsy doesn't mind the rough missions, the ones where he heads into the seedy undergrounds. He speaks their language, looks the part, and he'd rather be there than at a fancy ball anyway. He goes wherever his King sends him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tide You Swim Against Will Carry You Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [riverchic1998](https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverchic1998/gifts).



> I tweaked the prompt a little, but I took my giftee's wishes into consideration. I hope you like this. :)
> 
> Title from Dream Theater's [I Walk Beside You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S42r7EQ0lmw).

It was late. Eggsy was achy and tired to the bone.

The Far-East mission had gone alright, even though he’d had to use a bit more brute force than he would’ve preferred. Singapore was sleek on the outside but, under the veneer of sophistication, it was absolute filth, and Eggsy’s mission had led him straight to the literal bottom. But he had reached his objective which was all Arthur — and Kingsman — cared about.

He had taken a too-short shower at his hotel and paid extra for the cab driver to take him to the airport as fast as possible. He had made it to the plane in time, if only by sheer luck and an obnoxious amount of money. Thank fuck for small mercies which in this case was his cover as a filthy rich omega yuppie. Not only had it granted him a premium lane at the airport, but it also provided him with the privacy of a sleeping cubicle in the first class — not that he needed it to sleep. Eggsy had mastered the art of sleeping practically anywhere as a kid, but his cover meant better service and came with fewer stares, wrinkled noses, and curious whispers from his fellow passengers.

Despite his ability to sleep practically anywhere, Eggsy knew wasn’t going to. But if he tried, he could at least get some rest. That would be nice.

He bundled up in the fluffy blanket that smelled stale even to his nose, put a sleep mask over his eyes, and started to count the familiar cadence of math equations in his head. Lately, something monotonous like that had been the only thing to calm him down enough to grant him a few hours of fitful sleep every night.

After a 14-hour flight, a cab drive to the Shop, and train trip to the Mansion, Eggsy was finally knocking on Arthur’s door.

”Enter,” Arthur’s voice rang through the door.

Squaring his shoulders, Eggsy stepped in, closed the door, and walked to stand in front of his King. ”Report from Singapore. Sir,” he said, fixing his eyes on a spot somewhere above Arthur’s right ear.

”You are allowed to write these, you know,” Arthur said. ”There’s no need to come and see me in person.”

Eggsy’s gaze didn’t waver. After a moment, Arthur sighed and said, ”Report, Galahad.”

Eggsy set his jaw and started to recite his report.

 

* * *

 

Eggsy had grown up as a headstrong omega — the kind who talked himself in and out of trouble on a regular basis. His mouth and looks tended to get him a lot more attention than was probably healthy, but despite all his cockiness and flirting, he wasn’t stupid. He had never believed in ”saving oneself for mating” tradition (Because if the alphas didn’t, why should he?) and had screwed around plenty. But he had always kept himself on a tight leash during his heats, never sharing them with an alpha.

Intellectually, he knew that nobody could be bonded without their consent, but in heat, he wasn’t exactly on his right mind.

Besides, he had seen what a mating bond could do (cue: his mum and Dean), and he had no interest in tying himself into someone like that. He liked his freedom and firmly believed he’d lose it as soon as he made the mistake of bending over for an alpha.

Even though it would’ve made his heats easier, he had never really given bonding a serious thought. Then again, he also hadn’t found anyone who would’ve been willing to stand him long enough to actually consider him worth the trouble.

Until he had met Harry.

Harry Hart had been pure alpha through and through, and Eggsy had crushed on him from the moment Harry had swiped the pub floor with Rottie’s goons. Had Harry asked, Eggsy would’ve dropped on his knees right there and then, ready to give himself over but, of course, Harry had done no such thing.

It had only added to Eggsy’s infatuation and, as a result, his hindbrain had slowly started forming a one-sided bond with Harry.

Thanks to the mandatory Government-approved suppressants Kingsman handed out to each and every agent and agent-in-training, it had taken Eggsy ridiculously long to smell the subtle change in his scent. When he had finally realized what had happened, he had silently freaked out. He hadn’t been sure what to do or if he’d been allowed to say anything, what with the mentor/pupil power imbalance and everything.

Hell, he didn’t even know if Kingsman allowed fraternization!

In the end, he had ended up trying to ignore the whole thing. Of course, both Roxy and Merlin had sensed something was off, which had been either because they were both alphas or scarily smart. Or both.

The absolute downside of the pitiful one-sided pining had been that Eggsy craved to be closer to Harry, like, all the time. The need had been a constant low-simmering burning under his skin, both annoying as fuck and scaring the shit out of him. It had been manageable when Harry had been in a coma after the freak explosion of professor Arnold’s head, but when Eggsy had spent 24 hours with Harry (in Harry’s space, surrounded by his scent and presence) after the train test, it had almost consumed him.

And then the fucking loyalty test had happened, Eggsy had been kicked out of Kingsman, and everything had gone to shit.

 

* * *

 

After debriefing Arthur, Eggsy made his way to the tech department to give his assessment about the new gadgets Merlin had wanted him to test in the field. He clutched the folder of his new assignment in his hand and didn’t exactly try to hide it. He didn’t see the point. It was no-one’s business if he headed right out again after his mandatory rest period. No amount of frowning from Merlin couldn’t stop Eggsy from going and he didn’t understand why the man even bothered anymore.

However, he didn’t meet Merlin but Roxy.

”Heading right out, are you?” she asked, raising a judgmental eyebrow and inclining her head at the file.

She looked lovely and relaxed, and for a short moment, Eggsy felt a pang of irrational jealousy about her life.

To cover up his own reaction, he shrugged and said, ”Nah, not righ’ away, Rox. Headin’ to medical to renew my shots an’ then I headin’ home for a coupla days. But after tha’, yeah.”

Roxy shook her head and pinched her lips together. ”Eggsy…” she started slowly, but he didn’t want to hear it.

”Drop it, Rox, yeah?” he said. ”We’ve been through this more times than I can count already.”

”I know,” she said and put a gentle hand on his arm. ”But I’m going to keep on saying it anyway: you _can_ stop.” Her eyes were wide and serious.

Eggsy averted his gaze, uncomfortable with the emotions Roxy couldn’t quite hide from him. ”No, I can’t,” he disagreed softly, kissed her cheek, and left. He pretended he didn’t see the side-eyed looks thrown his way.

Whatever. In under 48 hours, he’d be on his way to… He checked the folder. Egypt?

Well, as good a place as any.

 

* * *

 

When Harry had walked out of his life, Eggsy had stayed behind, breaking into tiny pieces in the middle of Harry’s loo with Mr. Pickle. Unable to leave, he had found his way into Harry’s office and to his laptop, desperate to learn about the emergency that had called Harry away.

It had been a hideous mistake.

As Eggsy had watched Harry being shot oceans away, something inside him had gone completely numb.

He had acted on autopilot, confronted Chester King, and turned to Merlin and Roxy afterwards, trusting them to tell him what to do. Under Merlin’s watchful eyes, Eggsy had slaughtered Valentine’s troops almost single-handedly and saved the world on the side.

He had been so intent on his revenge-fueled mission and focusing on getting rid of Valentine that he hadn’t realized what had happened to him.

Seeing Harry die had convinced Eggsy’s hindbrain that he had lost his alpha in a traumatic event. As a result, he had turned pseudo-presented, a Null: not only had he lost his omega scent, but his own nose had gone almost completely mute as well.

Kingsman suppressants were the heavy-duty kind, and not much of his freaky non-scent permeated through their olfactory barrier. What little did, had raised reactions that would’ve been funny, had Eggsy been in a position of finding anything funny.

Ever since, Kingsman had treated him with clinical efficiency, assuming he had lost his mate in the V-day violence. Eggsy didn’t bother pointing out the irony of the statement. He went through mandatory counseling, got his blood taken and his body poked, and let little of his inner breakdown show.

His facade didn’t fool those who cared about him the most, though: Roxy was worried, Merlin was pissed, and his mum looked like she was constantly on the verge of tears.

Eggsy didn’t care.

He just wanted to work, to have his days so busy that his nights would pass in exhausted slumber.

He needed a way to keep his mind too occupied to remember the way Harry’s blood had spilled when Valentine had shot him.

 

* * *

 

”Hi, Mum!” he shouted as he opened the door, readying himself for the standard Daisy attack. He smiled as she barreled down the stairs in a blur and threw herself into his arms with a delighted scream.

”EGGY!” she shouted right into his ear. ”You’re home!”

”That I am, I’m home, Daisy-boo,” he said as he spun her around, grinning at her giggles. ”An’ I gotcha a present.”

”A present? For me?” Daisy repeated, slightly out of breath. ”Gimme!”

He set her down and knelt in front of her. ”They’re meant for a princess, yeah? Like you, you know?” he said as he handed her the beautifully gift-wrapped bundle, smiling at her enthusiasm.

Daisy didn’t care about the hand-painted silk wrappings or the artistically tied bow. She tore into her gift with the ferociousness of the toddler she was and squealed when the bundle turned out to be a pair of elaborately embroidered slippers. They were a bit too big, but she didn’t care.

”You’re a proppa princess, Daisy-boo. Yeah, you are,” Eggsy complimented, pecking a kiss on the top of her head.

When he stood up, his mum was leaning in the doorway with a slightly wobbly smile and her arms crossed on her chest.

Eggsy cleared his throat. ”I gotta present for you too,” he said quietly and handed her a small jewelry box.

”Eggsy, you shouldn’t have,” his mum started half-heartedly, but Eggsy knew she was pleased anyway. She tore into the wrapping paper with almost as much enthusiasm as Daisy and let out a gasp when she opened the box. ”Eggsy, luv, this is gorgeous!” she breathed, gently taking the flower brooch to have a closer look.

”It’s a real orchid, plated in gold,” Eggsy supplied, relieved Mum had liked the present.

In all honesty, he hadn’t bought either of them, trusting the hotel’s concierge with the purchases instead. Fortunately, they had not only bought the souvenirs but had also provided him with a small card with info to let him know what he was bringing home.

”How long are you stayin’, luv?” his mum asked quietly. She didn’t look at him but kept her eyes on Daisy who was walking around the room in her slippers, waving at the imaginary crowd.

”Until tomorrow,” Eggsy answered. ”I’m headin’ out again.”

”So soon?” Mum sounded dismayed. ”They’re working you way too hard.”

Eggsy shrugged. ”They’re not people you can say no to,” he said, the lie an automatic response to his mum’s indignation.

”I know,” she said. ”I wish you could.”

Mum didn’t know shit about Kingsman, but believed that Eggsy was involved with some shady mafia business instead. It wasn’t that far-fetched: Eggsy _had_ been recruited suddenly and he had recently received quite a large sum of money, not to mention the spacious house they now lived in. Time and again, he was called away on a short notice and, when he returned, it was often with bloody knuckles, black eyes, and fractured ribs.

Eggsy had no intention of ever telling his mum what was really going on. Believing he was a middle-level mafioso would keep her safer than knowing the truth.

So, he offered his mum an apologetic, lopsided smile and said, ”It is what it is.”

Mum shook her head. ”Where you goin’ this time?”

”Egypt.”

Mum’s eyes widened, but before she had the chance of telling Eggsy how unstable the country was _(”Terrorists, Eggsy!”)_ , he continued, ”It shouldn’t be anythin’ much, short in-and-out trip. I’ll be as safe as I can.”

Mum pressed her lips together in a tight line, but didn’t comment. They both knew it was as much as he could promise.

After a moment of tense silence, she let out a huff of breath and asked, ”You hungry?”

”Starvin’,” Eggsy said, putting a good amount of enthusiasm into his voice.

He didn’t have the heart to tell his mum that he almost never felt hungry anymore and since everything tasted off anyway, he didn’t care what he ate. He knew Mum tried her best, and the least he could do in return was to support her when she re-learned how to be a proper Mum again.

As they ate dinner, Eggsy complimented his mum for mashed potatoes and steak even though they tasted stale and ashen. He leaned back in his chair, listened to Daisy’s chatter, and wondered how long he could go on.

 

* * *

 

Egypt was a disaster.

The mission started with hiccups, but Eggsy though it was mainly because of the Egypt crew was new. This was supposed to be an easy mission to let them learn their way around a seasoned agent, but it didn’t take long for Eggsy to realize something was wrong.

Somewhere along the planning, someone had provided Kingsman with outdated information. It effectively cut the crew out, blew Eggsy’s cover, and left him without the proper backup, forcing him to run blind.

As he raced through the narrow alleyways and felt bullets hit him in the back, Eggsy listened to Merlin swear himself blue in the face as he tried to hack into the systems to get Eggsy out alive. He figured that someone had a hell to pay as soon as Merlin found out who had cocked up.

He also figured he wouldn’t be there to see it happen.

”Merlin, I’m fucked,” he panted as he skidded around yet another corner and was met with a hailstorm of bullets.

 _”Unacceptable,”_ Merlin snapped back.

Eggsy grunted when something with a seriously big caliber hit his lower back. ”I wasn’ askin’ permission, guv, I was informing you,” he wheezed. ”I’m out of ammo, I lost the umbrella, and these guys are bringing out the big guns.”

There was a sound, and Eggsy wasn’t sure whether Merlin had let out a hiss, or if a bullet had nearly missed his ear.

 _”Gimme a minute,”_ Merlin said.

”I don’t have a minute!”

Whatever Merlin answered was lost into static as sharp pain burst on the right side of his face. Eggsy was pretty sure he screamed, but his world was swallowed in a haze of pain. He felt an impact after an impact in his back and, unable to run further, he stumbled to halt, swayed, and slid on his knees.

 _At least I’ll go out with a bang,_ Eggsy though as he slowly keeled over, mashing his uninjured cheek on the cracked cobblestone.

 

* * *

 

There were bright lights, searing pain, and then — blessedly — a cottony, floating feeling of numb.

For a moment, Eggsy though he’d made it, that somehow he had been rescued.

Then he smelled _him_ , and knew he was dead.

It was a good way to die, Eggsy thought. After everything he had done, he had finally earned some peace and quiet, right? He had nothing to worry about: Kingsman would cover for Mum and take care of Daisy’s schooling. It was a thing he had made them sign as a thank you for saving the world.

His family was safe, and Eggsy was ready to go.

 

* * *

 

The next time he woke up, it was like swimming through molasses, reaching out for the surface he was only vaguely aware of. It was disconcerting because, for some reason, Eggsy didn’t think dying was supposed to be this hard.

Perhaps it was because of all the things he had done prior joining Kingsman.

He breathed deep a couple of moments before deciding it wouldn’t hurt to try and open his eyes.

He was wrong.

It hurt.

When he finally managed to force his eyes open, he had to blink several times to focus. The whole right side of his face felt off and half of the field of his view was obscured by something dark. He tried turning his head, but all he learned was that it hurt even more and the dark patch seemed to be following his movements.

Someone cleared their throat on his left side. Startled, Eggsy twitched and then let out a sharp hiss of pain.

”Welcome back, lad,” Merlin said, leaning over him to peek into his eyes. ”Gave me quite a scare back there.”

”I’m not dead?” Eggsy asked.

”No, but not for the lack of trying,” Merlin said dryly. ”Almost got your eye blown out.”

Eggsy tried to frown but the movement pulled painfully at something on his right cheek. _Soft tissue damage,_ his mind provided.

”I thought—” he started and paused, shocked.

He could smell Merlin.

He swallowed and took a proper sniff. He smelled Merlin, the residual whiffs of people he had interacted recently, and most strongly: Roxy’s scent mingled with Merlin’s.

He could smell _himself._

From somewhere far away, Eggsy heard a heart monitor go wild, but he didn’t care.

”Where is he?” he whispered.

Merlin’s face stayed calm, but something in his eyes flickered. ”Who?” he asked.

”I can smell you, Merlin,” Eggsy said, agitated. ”I can smell myself!” His voice rose into a shout. ”Where is he?”

”Eggsy—”

”Shut up you lying bastard! Where’s Harry?”

Eggsy didn’t give a damn of how he sounded like. All he knew was that he wasn’t a Null anymore, and there was only one reason why.

Merlin tried to placate him, but to no avail. Eggsy didn’t want to hear his excuses or lies, he wanted Harry and made it clear. Struggling against Merlin’s hold, Eggsy struggled to get up from the bed. It was futile: even if he had been in perfect health, Merlin was still an alpha and more than capable of containing him.

However, something flickered in Merlin’s eyes and he whipped his head around and barked something. Before Eggsy even realized what was happening, a nurse had rushed in and injected something into his IV line. Thoroughly betrayed, Eggsy tried to fight the groggy feeling of the sedative coursing through his body, cursing at Merlin and calling out for Harry.

As he was pulled under, his hand grasped at nothing and he let out a final, broken _”Harry.”_

The last thing he saw was Merlin’s concerned frown.

 

* * *

 

”—should’ve told me!”

”I wasn’t sure.”

”Sure of what, you idiot? That it was real or that you made the right decision?”

”…Either.”

”This is a fucking mess. Arthur’s not going to let this lie.”

”It’s my mess and I’ll sort it out. Take care of the boy for me.”

”Oh no. No, you don’t. You’ll stay right here and wait for him to wake up. He almost tore his stitches when you weren’t here.”

Unsure of what was happening, Eggsy groaned and shifted a little in his bed.

The furious whispering somewhere in the vicinity of the foot of his bed stopped.

Then he heard brisk steps and Merlin’s voice from the door. ”I’ll leave you to it,” he said before slipping out of the room.

Silence.

Eggsy didn’t want to open his eyes.

He wasn’t sure the familiar scent of Harry was real. He didn’t want to wake up into an empty room with crushed hopes and lost dreams, but when a hand took hold of his left one and gripped gently, he didn’t have a choice.

Slowly, hesitantly, he opened his eyes and let out a sob.

_His alpha was alive._

”Hello, my dear boy,” Harry said quietly.

Blinking furiously, Eggsy took in the tinted glasses, a star-burst scar on Harry’s left temple, and the way his hair had gained a silver streak parallel to the scar.

”You _wanker,_ ” he said hoarsely and clenched Harry’s hand almost painfully, as if testing if Harry was real or just an uncommonly solid hallucination.

With a sad smile, Harry sat beside his bed and gripped Eggsy’s hand back, just as hard. ”For what it’s worth, I’m so very sorry about all you’ve gone through,” he said and reached out his other hand to cup Eggsy’s uninjured cheek.

Taking a leap of faith, Eggsy let himself believe Harry was there. He snuggled into the touch, reveling in finally having his alpha back and near him. Turning his head a fraction, he pressed his nose into the fleshy part of Harry’s palm and took a deep breath.

”I thought you were dead,” he whispered.

”I know,” Harry apologized. ”And if you’ll allow me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

Eggsy swallowed. ”Fuckin’ right you will,” he mumbled, ducking his head to hide the tears in his eyes.

When Harry lifted his hand and pressed a kiss on the inside of his wrist, Eggsy knew he hadn’t fooled him at all.

He wanted to stay awake and drink up Harry sitting right next to him, but the residual sedative combined with his emotional roller coaster had drained him, and his eyes closed on their own volition.

”Please,” he managed to mumble, hoping Harry understood what he was asking.

”I’m not going anywhere,” Harry said softly, trailing his thumb along Eggsy’s cheek bone. ”Sleep, Eggsy. I’ll be here.”

And finally, Eggsy slept.


End file.
